discord and smiles

If I’m feeling this maelstrom of emotions, I can only start to imagine what the PCVs must be feeling right now. The enormity of todays news took me by surprise and I’m feeling really sad for the PCVs whose dream of serving in the PC for 27 months has this sudden hiccup - they’re being evacuated… I’m sure each PCV has a different reaction - relief, sadness, happiness, fear - and more likely a mixture of all those plus every other adjective you can think of that applies to one’s emotions.

A lot of people have reached out to me when they heard the news. Most feel like I do - glad that they will be safe but also sorrow that this has to happen. I think I feel most badly for the residents of the countries that are affected - Liberia, Sierra Leone and Guinea. I think of the wonderful people who have opened their homes and hearts to the PCVs only to have them taken away. I think of the photo of Kelly and Ryan’s Pa - his smile is etched in my brain - such a beautiful smile. I think of Kelly and Ryan having to leave him and think how hard it must be for all of them. And that’s just the 2 people I know intimately - what about the other 338 volunteers and their host families or communities where they’re serving?

While the news in the United States tends to be sensational, I’m glad to see the word ‘temporary’ being used in most communications about the PCVs being evacuated, this is really positive and gives me hope that Kelly & Ryan and their 48 new friends will be able to return - hopefully soon. I also think that perhaps this will be an oddly positive opportunity for the PCVs to ‘repack’ their huge suitcases for their return trip - and pack more of what they need, now that they have a better idea of what’s in their future. I don’t know why this comes to mind - the random thoughts that run through your mind when you’ve received big news?

Although my thoughts are naturally with the PCVs, my concern is truly for the people of West Africa. How will they cope? If the Peace Corps is pulling out their volunteers, who will be next? Too many lives have already been lost and what these struggling nations need is help, support and amazing programs like the Peace Corps. Let’s gather our collective thoughts/wishes/dreams/energy/prayer and hope this horrible disease is contained and some form of cure or prevention is found - hemorrhagic fever has been around for a long time - enough is enough.

Meanwhile, there’s people VOLUNTARILY killing people in other parts of the world… I don’t get it - why would ANYBODY voluntarily kill another human being? Someone stole our land, someone doesn’t have the same religious beliefs, someone is ‘bad’… As my mother taught me, it is our differences that make us great, not our similarities. As she would say: if we were all the same, wouldn’t life be boring.

I can’t wait to see my 2 PCVs - at the same time, this smile will almost haunt me, as I think of Kelly & Ryan’s newfound homeland being invaded by this terrible illness. Stay well Pa.

of bathtubs and gin...

I love Kelly’s response to my post because it opens up a great dialogue. When I wrote the post I didn’t really think there could be a backwards advantage - but I needed to throw it out there for thought and I think Kelly hit upon it. As she noted, Liberians are ‘ridiculously happy’ and they live in harsh conditions and recently survived (just) a 15-year civil war. That has to be totally devastating - yet they are happy, but I get it. Here’s why:

I grew up with my mother and grandparents - all survivors of WWII. And by ‘survivors’, I mean true survivors - my grandparents, along with my mum and aunt, lived in the middle of London during the war. My grandfather worked for the War Office, my grandmother did as well - she spoke fluent German so she translated for the British Intelligence and also helped smuggle Jewish children through the underground. My aunt was in the British Army, serving with a Canadian regiment and my mum worked for MI-5 (British Intelligence) - although she didn’t know until after the war.

I do have a point in telling you all of this but I do need to take one more step back - my grandmother. An amazing woman - lived to be 100 and could tell you stories and keep you in stitches. If you’ve ever watched Downton Abbey, my grandmother would have been Sybil (the rebellious one). She also grew up in ‘Downton style’ - only not quite so grand… My grandmother came from the British upper class and was used to having maids and servants. When she was 16 she was sent to finishing school in Germany - and I’m assuming she would be presented at a ‘coming out ball’, as was done at the time. But, in my grandmother’s second year, WWI broke out and she had to return home - but not after mastering the German language (they were not allowed to speak English at school). My grandmother was also a rebel - she told me many stories and looking back, I realized she was kind of a troublemaker - or, as her father would say to her: ‘Margaret, you have a substratum of lowness about you…’ - something that has become a family giggle. My grandmother was also a suffragette and in the early 1920’s moved to NYC with her sister and made bathtub gin and sold it to the NYC police… :)



So where am I going with all this? My family grew up knowing what privilege was but ended up with very little (Great Depression), and also lived through the horrors of a world war (or two). I heard wonderful stories of fun and parties during WWII - and also the terrific devastation, but as with all memories, the happier memories tend to survive. My grandmother was not a fan of money - she always said it was just ‘counters’ - and you exchanged it occasionally for something you wanted. I grew up with money being ‘vulgar’ (as my grandmother would say) and people who flaunted it were the lower classes (you can see here where my grandmother’s upbringing comes into play). In my world, money didn’t give you status, make you important or provide you much other than the essentials in life. Breeding, (again, my grandmother’s word), education (not necessarily formal) and empathy for others is what made you a strong person, someone notable. Also, as in traditional British culture - seeing the funny side of things is a must.

Therefore, Kelly’s comment that there is a trend that the happiest people in the world live in some of the harshest conditions comes as no surprise to me. I come from a different culture - something most people don’t see or understand about me (because I sound American - for starters). I come from a background where money and objects are not considered benchmarks for success, rather, excess. Happiness truly comes from within - you will never find it from external sources (“I’ll be happy when….” is a recipe for disaster). I think I learned to be happy from within from my mum and grandparents and I think, quite often, the less ’stuff’ you have, the less complicated your life - and therefore the happier you are. More food for thought…

Water, water, everywhere...

Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink. Not the original words from Samuel Coleridge but the slightly embellished version I heard growing up.

These words keep floating through my head as I’m searching for a reverse osmosis system I can use in my temporary quarters. I keep thinking how much I wish I could just speak to Ryan - this is his field of expertise, yet there he his, thousands of miles away, probably wondering if and where they’re going to get water - never mind HOW it’s filtered (more likely simply hoping it’s safe to drink). I also realize he's helping those that really need his help, his expertise. It's comforting.

I also think of my grandmother’s description London water (it’s so good - a great visual,  it deserves special attention):

London Water: you sieve it through a ladder and what doesn’t fit, you beat to death with a spade.

I hope I’ve quoted that correctly - my grandmother was a very funny person (but that’s a story for another blog - truly).

I’ve spent the last week or so dealing with all sorts of issues - broken electronics from my latest move, bills that insurance was supposed to cover, the aforementioned water filter, missing cable equipment, and all the usual day-to-day things that need doing. When I really think about them, one thing stands out to me - they are all first world problems. Well, clean water isn’t - but my problem is the stench of Scottsdale water, not (hopefully) the actual potability of it. So this brings me to my next question - are those of us with #firstworldproblems more ‘stressed’ than those with #thirdworldproblems?

Common sense would dictate that third world problems would be more stressful because according to Maslow’s Hierarchy, our basic needs must be fulfilled in order for us to grow and thrive.

 In third world countries, the basic needs - food, water, safety - are often not met and I’m pretty sure that’s what our LR-5ers are doing in Liberia - helping with these basic needs. Then I got to thinking - do you actually receive more support if your basic needs aren’t met - do you oddly have some backwards advantage? I remember my mum telling me that you either had to be very, very well of in this country or very, very poor… Given the choice, I think we just need to redefine our ‘problems’ and look at the big picture. It’s very humbling.

Then I came across this on Facebook from Humans of New York (a wonderful page to follow - and many other similar ones have spawned on the success of this one):

I think this brings it all home - you can have all you want or you can have nothing, it comes right back to the basic needs. The need for security, the need for love and the need for belonging.

of lapa and mud

I find myself sitting here, Sunday evening, growing ever-more curious about Kelly and Ryan’s day. Today was the naming ceremony for the PCVs in Liberia and Kelly and Ryan will be wearing their Lapa which I can’t wait to see! The photos I’ve seen of this beautiful material are amazing - bright and lovely abstract designs - I can think of so much I would LOVE to make with it! Kelly and Ryan will have a Bassa name as that is the language of their host family. Their names were being kept secret until the naming ceremony - which is fun - and making me more and more curious (ok, I’m dying of curiosity!!! I want to know EVERYTHING about the ceremony - and photos, LOTS of photos…)

Kelly spoke of the mud in Liberia and I’ve read some blogs and stories about the beautiful mud of Liberia. This got me wondering what kind of mud it was - does it have clay in it? Can it be used for pottery…? It looks beautiful, doesn't it?

I think many people take their surroundings for granted. Yes, the rain can be a nuisance but it also creates beautiful mud. It also creates beautiful reflections. I remember walking around various parts of England after it had rained - camera in hand but looking to the ground to see the reflections in the puddles. I find I tend to look upwards too - always looking for different angles, trying to see the world differently. I don’t know if this is because I am an artist, because I’m an HSP or because I am just different… Most likely a combination of all three. :)

Ok, I really want to know what name Kelly & Ryan's Pa chose for them.......... And I really want to see photos.... ::sigh:: :) 

Vantage Point

As we grow up/older (I only did the latter, never the former), our views are naturally going to mature and change - it’s a part of aging. I’ve also found that I’m much more vocal about my views/thoughts and not afraid to share them. I certainly don’t share my ideas to influence anyone or to hope others agree with me - I don’t need that sort of validation, it’s just to provoke thought. I like to think…

Two very recent events have been moulded by my LR-5ers, Kelly and Ryan. The first - which is fitting for the date of this post, is the holiday, July 4th. I have never been a fan of fireworks, I’ve never understood noise for the sake of noise. Two reasons - one is that I’m an HSP. For those of you who don’t know me and don’t know what an HSP is, I would ask that you go to http://www.hsperson.com and learn about HSPs. Approximately 20% of the population are HSPs and if you know me, you know it’s my ‘cause’ in this life - to educate people about this trait (more about that another time). Kelly will tell you that noise is my undoing. Secondly, I was born in England and I come from a different culture - one that is (or was) naturally quiet (again, another story for another time).

I spoke to Kelly today and she told me the PCVs were being treated to hamburgers in honor of 4th July. She also told me that the Liberian equivalent is July 26th but they don’t celebrate with fireworks because after 16 years of civil war, most Liberians (most likely) suffer from some sort of PTSD. I can completely understand this. I remember being at the Cape (Cape Cod) with my mum and some teenagers were setting off fireworks on the beach. My mum grew up in London during WWII. I had never, in all my years, seen my mother afraid of anything and the look on her face when she heard the screech of the fireworks was something I’ll never, ever forget… I didn’t know whether to hold her tight or run to the beach and yell at the kids to stop - it was so dreadfully terrifying to me. Not liking the noise myself didn’t help but the helpless look of fear on my mum’s face was even worse. Today is July 4th and my heart goes out to other HSPs and to anybody who suffers from PTSD and has had to endure what I did tonight - the horrible, terrifying sound of fireworks.

The second event that has been influenced remotely by the LR-5s is my very conscious response to my ‘stuff’. You see, I just moved (JUST - as in yesterday…). As I open and unpack boxes that have been stored - some for close to 9 months, I look in wonder at why I thought the item was important or why I ever owned it. I tend to ‘collect’ - not in a weird way like having boxes of string marked ’String - too short to save’, but I’m a fiber artist and a designer so I do have a lot of art supplies - those I don’t question - EVER. I also love to cook which has resulted in ‘gadgets’. But why so many? Is it necessary…? I’m a plant-strong foodie so sharp knives are essential (I took a knife handling class and am now a knife snob - really…?). I own a Vitamix (of course) and a Cuisinart - are they both necessary? Is either necessary…? I find myself looking at my ‘stuff’ and thinking I somehow got things backwards - how did this happen? I don’t come from a culture of ‘stuff’ - I grew up valuing people over material possessions, so why do I have so much of it?

As I unpack, I find myself dividing things up. A pile to sell, a pile to give to someone who could use it and a pile of stuff to go through later (because yes, I like to procrastinate too). The second pile - the stuff to give away, is currently the largest and I think it will continue to be that way. I look at everything a little differently now - with a bit of an LR-5 lens. I feel like I am overwhelmingly fortunate to have this amazing advantage - I can now see beyond the ‘stuff’, I have a new vantage point thanks to some amazing PCVs.

Never underestimate the goodness...

Truly. Sometimes I think we underestimate the goodness that is out there - the News paints such a bleak picture. I don’t watch the News anymore, I stopped watching it about 10 years ago and I think it’s made me a happier person…truly. :) Of course what we see on the News is rarely news - it’s old, wrapped up with a giant bow or something sad turned into an extreme. When I open Firefox I see headlines that completely turn me off - I know it’s just a big, shiny new twist they’ve put on something. They sensationalize, spectacularize, polarize, exaggerate and simply make crap up. Worst of all, news writers don’t consider the people they are hurting with their ‘disinformation’. Then again, it’s probably not the news writers, it’s what they’re told to do (and not do)…

So, turn off the news and listen to people around you:

This simple statement says so much. We never know the whole story - how can we? Everybody is fighting their own battle in one way or another, plus we only ever know one side of a story, and how many sides are there…? I think about my co-workers, my friends, my family. Each has something going on that is theirs. It’s private and only revealed to a select group of people - or maybe no one… A snapshot of my day includes people with family members who are struggling for their life because of cancer, family members with addiction problems, divorce, suicides and family members with children who have been very badly injured. All these people are amazingly kind. You would never know they have all these struggles going on behind the scenes - they still ask me how I’m doing. It never ceases to amaze me and touch me. People are still kind and caring - it’s the News that would like you to believe otherwise.

So think about it, and think what a smile might just do to someone’s day - be kind, always. Words to live by.

Really....?

I looked at a few apartments today (in case you didn’t know, I’ve just moved back to Arizona temporarily) and sometimes I find it interesting what people think are great features or amenities. I’ve always thought this way but I think it’s more in the forefront of my mind these days because I’m thinking about all the amazing PCVs. One place was really proud that they had lots of valet offerings, including valet trash. It’s not an option - you have to pay for it whether you use it or not… I don’t think this is an amenity, I think it’s ridiculous. They pick up trash in front of your apartment Monday through Friday. Really? I have one bag of trash per week - one small 13-gallon bag - I don’t know what other people are doing that they create so much trash but maybe that’s something we should be thinking and talking about. Having ‘valet trash’ picked up every day may be encouraging this kind of waste. Honestly, I don’t know how you make one bag of trash per day - I didn’t have that much with a family of 4. Also, think about it - this means a very smelly garbage truck is going to be huffing and puffing in front of your apartment FIVE DAYS PER WEEK! Besides the obvious waste of petrol, etc., I don’t want that - it’s major noise pollution. I don’t see this as adding any value to the apartment complex, I see it as the complete opposite. Just me……?

Another had popcorn ceilings. Well, not truly the old fashioned popcorn ceilings but close. Why do I hate them so much? Is it because they’re old? Is it because I equate them with asbestos? Disgusting. On top of it the walls were yellow. They would call them off-white, I would call them yellow. Have I ever mentioned I hate yellow? It makes the place look like it’s old and in need of a wash. As a matter of fact, I’d prefer if it was old and in need of a wash, I think. At least then you’re reusing something and making it new again. I don’t want to live in a place with yellow walls and a popcorn ceiling.

The third place was lovely - perfect location, tastefully done, lots of open space and no trash nazis. Lovely Spanish Mediterranean style, WHITE walls and quiet. But, because of its particular Scottsdale location, it offers LOTS of concierge services - which thankfully you aren’t forced to pay for (as my previous rant about the trash). Still, reading the concierge list, I wonder what kind of people would be my neighbors. Are they incapable of dialing a phone - or, at worst, asking Siri to assist them? This particular apartment community will arrange everything from spa services to plant care - I think there’s a list of about 30 items. While I look at this list, I am amazed at how my two little LR5ers have changed my life. Kelly wrote on her blog about how she was learning to wash clothes - properly, from a native. It sounded like she was using an old scrub board (and I was wondering if they had a mangle too…) Apparently this is a fine art but she finally got the nod of approval - but not without much practice first. And here I am looking at places to live that offer ‘dry cleaning and laundry pick-up’. Really? I get it that people are busy and this may be a great service but looking at it through a different lens, are we truly too busy to pick up our own clothes - that we have had someone else launder? If we are, maybe we’re doing things all wrong. We talk about first-word problems and even hashtag it when we’re complaining about something that we know we really shouldn’t be complaining about. But is it possible that #firstworldproblems truly are the bigger problem…? WE are the larger problem? If we had less #firstworldproblems, perhaps there would be fewer third-world problems - our priorities would be in the right place and there would be a better distribution of resources.

Food for thought - while I continue to ponder how people can make so much trash…

The Thought Train

I read some worrying headlines today and while believe half of what I read and even less of what I see on the internet, I know this to be true - I just don't know the extent:

I see this and I think to myself, 'I hope Kelly and Ryan are ok and stay well...'. Then I think - no, I hope ALL the LR-5ers are ok (there's 50 of them)... Then I think, no, that's wrong, I hope all the PCVs are ok... And yes, I move on - why just the PCVs? Why not all the people in these affected areas?

So you can see how this goes on - from thinking about my

daughter and her husband to hoping everyone is ok - not

just the people in Guinea, Sierra Leone and Liberia, but

the entire world - everyone needs to be ok...

I think we need to do something for them, but what? I'm not

religious. I could say we should pray for them and when I say

that, I'm really meaning that I want everyone to apply what-

ever works for them - prayer, good vibes, happy thoughts, 

crystals, germ voodoo... I was brought up UU (Unitarian

Universalist) and within the church, we were not taught 

about a deity, but rather how as human beings, we must help

and protect each other. We must be there to help when 

others are struggling and give of ourselves - to simply be

good people. I don't think you need religion for that. 

So you can see how my thoughts run - from simply thinking about my daughter and within the blink of an eye, I'm concerned about the whole world and what I can do to help... I think in my case, and many of us here as parents of the LR-5ers, it's helping one person at a time - and even, perhaps, each other. I think of how many very young PCVs there are and how I would have felt if my daughter had left for the Peace Corps when she was 18 or 19 - and I think I would have been quite terrified... A young girl, all alone (which they're not), far, far away from home.... Then I think - well, maybe that's part of what I'm doing here - maybe I need to support the other parents. My daughter has the support of her husband in Liberia (and 'tother way around...) and I find that comforting. I know my daughter will easily fall into a leadership role with her fellow LR-5ers if that's what they want - or need, that is her area of expertise. I find that comforting as well. There is comfort in this world, you just have to reign your thoughts back in sometimes.

What's this all about?

My daughter and her husband recently left for the Peace Corps and I have been corresponding with some amazing people - the parents of these exceptional young people. Many of these PCV (Peace Corps Volunteers) have started blogs. They have no idea if/when they'll be able to udpate them but when reading their amazing and fun blogs, they've inspired me.... They're fun, they're funny, they're introspective and informative... I may not be a PCV, but I'm the parent of one (well, 2, sort of - my daughter and son-in-law...). I think of them everyday, wonder how they are - if they're safe, if they're well, if they're overwhelmed or homesick....

So here I sit - with all the first-world comforts, trying to express my own thoughts of what it's like on the other side of being an LR-5er.....